If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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