Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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