I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A+ Viking dick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
