SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I lost the right to judge tonight
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
