i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He shit in the fireplace
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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