Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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