i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
