i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize