Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
