I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
