The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
