Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
