White coat. Heels.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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