god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
