i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
