I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
