yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
