Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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