I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
