So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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