Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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