If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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