No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
