dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize