Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
