I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
