shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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