I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
