i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize