hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
