found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
