It's like God shit irony all over that family
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I need water and some morals
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
