I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
