I accidentally had phone sex last night
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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