News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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