I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
