i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
