If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
