i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
