eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
