First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just pee around me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
