why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He? As in you personified your dick?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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