You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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