went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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