I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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