I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
