dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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