dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
