dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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