We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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