Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize