You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
