Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize