i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
