Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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