is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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