Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
