Ambien. No doubt about it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
two words...techno handjob
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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