On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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