Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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