I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
