i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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