I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
