Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
