So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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