make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
