I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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