just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
