I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just want to make out with him forever
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
