Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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