you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
