he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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